The first thing I wanted to clear up is the myth that you hear about marriages when you lose your child. Newly bereaved parents frequently read or hear disturbing statistics about a high divorce rate among couples following the death of a child, however, according to a survey by The Compassionate Friends (TCF) in 2006 only 16% of marriages have ended in divorce after losing a child.

There is no right or wrong way to react to the news. Some people will sob almost hysterically, others will be overly calm, another may be chosen to fill the role of organizer, and still another may become angry with God. Whatever the reaction to traumatic news like this, it is normal. Just because you don't fall apart doesn't mean you cared any less. If you are crying, it doesn't mean you are weak. Tears have a wonderful cleansing effect and in the long run are healthy. But some people go into autopilot and organize and help the others, then break down later. Many people find they are comforted by their spiritual beliefs. Others want nothing to do with God or spiritual comfort at that time. There isn't a right or wrong for this; each person's reaction will be different. Grief is grief and for each of us ours is the worst there is.

As a general rule, if you haven't let the grief out after three months, you should probably seek counseling. By letting it out, we don't mean that you will be over it. Rather, the process of expressing it needs to begin. You will question constantly if what you are feeling is normal.

Grief feels sort of like you are falling apart or having an emotional breakdown. You aren't, but it feels that way. The more you share with others who have experienced a loss, the more you realize these intense emotions are normal. So, by the end of three months, we need to begin to let the grief out.